Tuesday, December 28, 2010

The end of 2010

Hi folks
It's a changing time of whole my life. It's the end of one big period and the beginning of a new one. Totally new and different. I call it "time of butterfly". I feel pretty sad 'cuz its something big what has to die but there is something else what is going to be born.

Tonight i am leaving for celebrating New Year in homely atmosphere with my relatives in Moscow. I am very excited about Moscow and snow. Russia is such a great country what gave to the world such people like Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, Nabokov, Stravinsky, Chaikovsky, Rerih, Pushkin and etc etc etc. I can't name all of them but when I think of art I am proud that I have russian blood in me. Russians feel very deeply and they just give it all to everything. I love it about them and probably I have it in me as well. But still my nationality is world gypsy and I truly am. Nobody knows where I was yesterday, today I am in India and nobody knows where I am going to be tomorrow. Life is a journey. It's a game and it just flows. Nothing matters. Nothing has a value. Nothing is forever. Everything is illusion. Only soul belongs to eternity and love. Nothing else. I am excited about snow in Moscow...

I think 2010 was the the most difficult year for me. I thought the most difficult was 2005 but I would rate 2010 even more. I am very happy it's over...almost over. It's like huge period of 5 years is getting over and I am leaving everything behind me. It's not me anymore. It's something new. The best thing what happened in 2010 are people who came into my life. I met different people, some were losers, some just came and went, some were great and they will stay. I feel blessed and thankful to certain people. For all my happiness and for everything I do and have opportunity to do I can say "thank you". I am thankful to God that He is and more I am thankful to all that people who made and makes my dreams come true and live life I have. I just apreciate it. It's like stars what shine upon me and I know that my life has light, harmony and balance.

Sometimes people tell me that it's not right to be so open as I am I guess but I think it is right. I am the way I am and I dont have any reasons to hide anything or to put a mask and pretend to be somebody who I am not. Just what for? I am proud to be the way I am and what I am. I dont want to hide it and I have no reasons to pretend. The most important thing in life is to be balanced inside of u and to share divine light with the world. It doesnt matter what others think of u, it matters what u think about urself and how it feels. I am proud to be myself, I am glad that I can forgive and let it go, I don't keep grades and I can just let it go.

I will always be myself and true to the world around me. I always was and probably thats the reason for my life today. I think whatever success I reached so far it was only cuz I am the way I am and I am going to be like that. If I am happy I will shout about it, If i am depressed that probably something dramatic will be coming out of me. If you like it good, if not than I just don't give a damn about it cuz its just me.

Oops.....now its time to go to the airport..........Abu Dhabi.........

I really love you people.........hi to facebook. LOL

will write from Moscow
Love to all
Saidah Jules

Sunday, December 19, 2010

My birthday

"Old me had gone and I feel a brand new"
Hi folks
November had passed and I am still alive :-))) It's quite a good sign I believe. Probably I am more stronger than I thought. It's good.
I went to Delhi recently and it was quite a good trip in terms of meetings new people and mood. I don't think there is any point to write more about it but Delhi was a good trip. I went to my fav Birla Temple. Just overall it was very spiritual trip and it connected me to my early years and teenager's time a lot. I do travel to Delhi once in a while but exactly this time I connected to my past more deeply than before and I loved it. It really inspired me for many things in future. It's a good feeling to love your past. I went to Lotus Temple what also has a certain and very special meaning to me. I am not old (LOL) but I had all that nostalgia kind of a feeling.

My birthday has just past. it was on 17th. Celebration was few days but I would not actually call it a party as I did not plan anything. It was 3 days. First one was really fucked up. As I was writing before i dont like to use bad language but it was really fucked up. In fact it was even terrible. Small things do matters. To all people. PLEASE. Always remember that small things do matter. In my case all that small things were pretty .... so it distroyed a lot and left many things in past. Second day was good. In fact my first cake happened on a second day and two others on third. Second day was really nice. I loved it. And third as well. What I probably appreciated the most is that one person ordered cake for me in advance and it was exactly the way I like ( without chocolate and actually it was xmas pudding kind of a thing, but I loved it). Than also I went for dinner with friends. I was quite surprised with all that huge amount of calls, sms and mails I have got. I think my phone just didn't stop ringing. But it was nice. Really. Few people really surprised me that they called and it was a good surprise :-)))
Actually thanx to everyone for making my birthday to happen in a beautiful way. Thanx.

But probably in life it's always like that that everything have good and bad or maybe I am overemotional. When so many people calling and writing.....you will always know who did not. And I think the most sad part of my birthday was that it was only one person who did not call me or did not even sms. I just was pretty upset about it as that person quite a part of my life. Probably people are so busy sometimes that they can't sms. It's just very private to me.

I feel like a new year started for me. I feel so different. I promised to myself to be a better person than I was. For sure. there are so many changes what has to be done. There are people who totally gone from my life for good and there are people who came in. It's always important to make right choices. "It's always important to send flowers in a right time as well. " I was not in a mood of celebrating anything. In fact I don't even feel it. I just feel different, like a new me and different world. Probably I am just going to be happy soon that year 2010 is getting over. I am really happy that 2010 is getting over soon. It was lots of good things what happened to me and I met really amazing and talanted people in 2010 but it was also other things what will never happen in my life again and I am happy about it.

But i am still happy with the way I am and I am glad that I can just write everything I feel like over here. Probably i am a bit pissed off at the moment.....so I better go to sleep.

Love to all.....

P.S. I just recently read amazing stuff and it was such quote over there "Art is the only way to run away without leaving". I found it to be amazing and beautiful. But I found another way as well. It's a game. By playing you can run away as well....without actually leaving.... ( that's a thought without explanation ;-) )

P.P.S. I am just looking at one painting right now....it was one of the most important and special gifts I have ever got I think. It's basically so simple but I never thought I will feel for it so much. I guess it was 2008

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Goa Film Festival '10

hi folks
It became my habit to start with "it's been awhile" LOL.
So.....it have been quite awhile since my last one.....

So....Goa Film festival was amazing. I just felt great and loved it.

At the end of November I was in Goa for Film bazaar 2010. My next movie "Jal" was presented over there. We are going to shoot next year. Girish Malik is a total genius. Love working with him. He is someone in indian film industry who really impressed me with his way of creating a story and creative process. Also he was the one who didn't flirt with me. LOL. Don't get me wrong. there is nothing wrong in flirting but when everybody flirt around and than you meet a person who doesn't it looks different. It feels different and it also inspires you for soemthing different. Respect!!! It was nice to meet Ayushmann Khurana and somehow we spent quite a lot of time by talking and discussing different interesting topics. I don't really feel like writing at present all my experience but in few words can say that now I know what sufi music is. It was a cocktail party "Sufi music". I was thinking about my best friend in UK who is following sufism. Also I had quite long conversation with Vivek Agnihotri and found him to be very deep and interesting human being. Also I met many more people but I can't write about everyone. Fatih Akin....After all our night life experience and casino we went to watch 'Soul kitchen" by Fatih Akin. He is famous german movie director (but basically he is turkish). Me and Girish had a nap....LOL. Movie was nice but it was not that healthy to go to sleep at 5 a.m. and get up by 9 a.m. :-) In the evening I met Fatih in person and he is pretty cool. He has such casual style no matter where he goes. I think it's something totally opposite of Bollywood but in Europe it means creativity I guess. Probably I was blessed to meet all intelligent people in Goa this time. On a serious note, whoever happened to talk to me was intelligent and it was very nice and productive conversation indeed. Totally loved it !!! TOTALLY!!!

My birthday is coming soon and there are no plans at all. I don't want to make media party or invite guests. I just want something nice and quite. Something very private and personal. Something beautiful. For new year no plans as well. I was thinking of going to Las Vegas and New York but all this plans got totally fucked. Sorry for my language but there is no other word I can express what I mean. In fact I don't think it's something wrong actually to say like that. If it really got fucked how else I can say? whatever......

I am extremely tired of people who talk much much much more than they do. I am tired of stupid lies what my logical mind can't explain. I want to put all my energy into creative process and work. Now it's holidays time so I will have to wait for a bit probably.....

Also I discovered how amazing tweeter is. It can just connect people from completely different countries and in a very weird way. World is so small in fact and life is so unpredictable. Sometimes I think "Alice in Wonderland" was about me :-)

I went to watch Narnia in 3D. I don't think it's actually a difference if you watch Narnia in 3D or not 3D but movie was amazing. I love all such fairy tales and adventures. I would love to act some kind of fairy one day.... Amazing film....but all that impolite crowd what was siting next to me eating popcorn and using mobile phones kind of spoiled my happy mood.

For today I feel like going and chilling out by the sea.

Could write more but i should go........

Love to all
Saidah Jules

P.S. Facebook should join tweeter.